Why public ‘bromances’ are good for men to see

“It’s kind of like, where do they go to, where do they turn?” says Smyth. “We’re raised to be strong and independent and not to show any weakness, and therefore we’re less likely to develop these deep, richer extended networks of friendships, and women are.”

Richard Fletcher, who leads the Fathers and Families Research Program at The University of Newcastle, has seen first-hand the difference it makes when men do receive emotional support from other men.

He recalls how one man responded after receiving a text message of support from the university’s program, SMS4dads, which sends messages to fathers that connect them with other fathers and provide information about their health and their baby’s health.

“I know it’s probably being a little dramatic, but it felt like somebody walked into my office, put their hand on my shoulder and said, ‘Are you OK?’” the man wrote. “And that’s golden because guys struggle with all that kind of stuff.”

For Smyth, the latest public celebrity “bromances” are an indication that the long-standing cultural barriers that have traditionally kept men from having intimate communication with other men in friendship are breaking down.

“It’s becoming increasingly OK to have a bromance,” he says.

But male friendship advocate Brett Churnin hopes this is just a step towards greater cultural change.

“I would love for this to be really mainstream, so for me to have a conversation with another man about his mental health is no different to having a conversation about his physical health, like talking about a torn meniscus,” says Sydney-based Churnin, who has helped set up hundreds of men’s support groups around the world. “There’s something extraordinary when you feel totally seen and heard and witnessed by other people; we realise that we’re not alone,” he says. And a group of men can provide an invaluable type of support that a man might not get from his partner.

“They’re not trying to solve my issue, there’s a bit more distance,” says Churnin, who recalls receiving support in a men’s group when he was feeling “intense” anger over a frustrating encounter with a relative.

“They’re not so attached to any kind of outcome,” he says of the men he spoke to. “A lot of the time, for men, people are looking for us to be the rock. And it’s kind of like, ’Well, it’s OK to be the rock, but if internally I’m not, then where do I kind of go? My men’s circle is where I go.”

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