What’s the key to getting people to spell ‘Allan’ correctly?

Even though my parents assigned me the first name Allan, many friends and co-workers still drop one of those “l”s and write “Alan” in emails and correspondence. I constantly remind them of the correct spelling, but some just don’t seem to get it. Should I give up?
A.G., Cherrybrook, NSW

A: With all respect to your wonderful parents, who put a huge amount of thought and time into choosing the perfect first name for their beautiful baby boy, “Allan” does look a bit wrong, like someone was trying to write “Alan” normally and their elbow got bumped two letters in.

I mean, “Alan” is clean and balanced and shortens perfectly to Al, while “Allan” is wonky and surnamey and shortens awkwardly to All, Alla or Ll. “Alan” is someone relatable, loveable and cheery, while “Allan” sounds like a pretentious Frenchman who corners people at parties and bores them with Jean-Luc Godard movie trivia.

“Alan” is the first name of many famous celebrities, such as Alan Turing, Alan Alda and Alan Rickman, while the most famous “Allan” is Allan Sherman, who wrote the novelty song Hello Muddah, Hello Faddah back in the ’60s and died prematurely of obesity-related complications.

I get why your friends and co-workers keep dropping that extra “l”: they’re either subconsciously defaulting to a natural-looking “Alan” or they’re just being lazy when emailing you, thinking, “Can I be buggered with one more keystroke? Nahhhh, ‘Alan’ will do.”

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But I also get that your name is your identity, it’s your brand for life: you are “Allan”, the pretentious obese Frenchman. So never give up reminding friends and co-workers about that extra “l”. And take pride in being a pioneer, bravely riding the vanguard of alternative name spellings, paving the way for all our modern Kaitlyns, Emilyes and Jaxxyns (with two or more “x”s and sometimes a “z”).

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