What Alison Daddo wishes she knew about menopause before going through it

I’ve since found out that both menopause and ageing affect your metabolism. I used to be able to cut things out of my diet and exercise to maintain a healthy weight, but now, nothing was shifting. No matter what I changed. My energy level to actually do exercise was almost flatline, so the weight continued to blossom.

I loved my belly and shape during all three of my pregnancies. But this looking pregnant without actually being pregnant was very unsatisfying.

All this was happening while beginning to get ready to move from Los Angeles to Sydney, after 25 years of living in America. I was visiting my naturopath at regular intervals to attempt to get some help with my exhaustion and food cravings and generally feeling unwell.

What I learnt was that I was in the midst of severe adrenal fatigue, and that can go hand in hand with triggering King Kong-size perimenopausal symptoms. It’s a bit like the chicken and the egg. If your adrenals are taxed, it messes with your hormones, and if your hormones are messed up, it punches your adrenals in the guts.

I was already an emotional wreck over leaving my friends and the place we had called home for 25 years. So, between the beginning of perimenopause and my existing emotional state, I was headed for a perfect storm of symptoms. I stepped into the arena of perimenopause with nothing left in the tank. I had beautiful friends telling me I needed to take care of myself, and I’d read self-help books about needing to look after me. I understood the theory, though I never took action. It’s one of those time-machine moments where I wish I could go back and tell myself to go easier.

I was not at my healthiest. With the lack of exercise and also a lack of sleep, my body was not happy. Though, like most of us women, I believed I just had to keep going. Other symptoms like brain fog, anxiety and mood swings I passed off as just my feelings around leaving America – I didn’t connect them to perimenopause.

Self-care is elusive if you’ve never treated yourself to it. Especially if you’re a mother, or work, or both, or are a woman and were raised to put other people ahead of yourself.

Looking back, I was definitely going through a lot more, physically, than I realised. There was no time to rest and recuperate. Three kids, one dog, and a whole life to pack up, while riding everyone else’s emotional roller coasters, was one of the most draining experiences I’ve ever gone through.

If I knew what I know now about adrenal fatigue and how it plays a part in menopause, I like to think I would have taken better care of myself. So, if you are just at the beginning of perimenopause, or still in it, self-care needs to be at the top of your to-do list. I say that like it’s an easy thing to do. For me, it wasn’t.

Sometimes I thought that online shopping could be considered self-care. Apparently, it’s not. Unfortunately, neither is falling asleep on the couch after overdosing on chocolate biscuits. Self-care is elusive if you’ve never treated yourself to it. Especially if you’re a mother, or work, or both, or are a woman and were raised to put other people ahead of yourself.

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Is self-care something you struggle with? It’s taken my deep plunge into health issues to understand how much self-care I need. And by this I mean care of your emotions and spirit, not just your physical self. Don’t underestimate the importance of looking after you. I did, and I paid the price when perimenopause came a-knocking. Start today.

Actually, start yesterday. Please, if you’re raising children, raise them with self-care. Demonstrate to them what a woman does to take care of herself, rather than how she sacrifices her own needs, feelings and health for others. As women we are up against an invisible ceiling that wants to keep us limited in terms of care and how much we can have, ask for, and demand. Sacrificing ourselves for others benefits no one. You won’t regret taking my advice.

This is an edited extract from Queen Menopause (Allen & Unwin) by Alison Daddo, out now.

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