Understanding the psychology of kids for successful parenting

By Sahil Kothari

Understanding your child is one of the most important lessons you can acquire as a parent. It is really beneficial in terms of being an excellent mentor and nurturer to your child as they grow and mature. Keep in mind that your child has a personality feature that will last his or her entire life. Each parenting style has a unique influence on children’s behavior and may be identified by distinct characteristics such as responsiveness (how warm and attentive parents are to their children’s needs) and demandingness (the extent of control parents put on their children in an attempt to influence their behavior).

Be a friend than a boss: Imagine going to someone and revealing your deepest darkest secrets knowing that the person won’t judge or criticize you. Children below the age of 5 cannot tell the difference between fantasy and reality and they always feel guilty when bad things happen. Parents being the only two people that they spend their maximum time with makes children very susceptible to the way parents dictate their parenting on them. Giving children all the liberty to be themselves and giving them the confidence that there will always be someone to understand will help foster a strong relationship between the parent and the children in their later stages in life.

Say a YES: Children loathe the word “NO” and so despite refusing them to do something directly, say a yes followed by the agreement on completing a task. For example, if your children ask for your permission to watch TV when in that time they had to study instead, answer them in a manner like this- “Yes you absolutely can watch the TV, but only after you finish your studies”. Rather than imposing a direct NO, a yes followed by the agreement on completing a task will not make children feel like a victim of your dictatorship.

Become their Hero: Children spend the maximum amount of their time fantasizing about non-realistic events. They go to mars and come back in a second, make spiderman their best friend, and venture into their lalaland. Parents should always keep try and tap into their children’s fantastical thinking and extricate a character that they look up to most of their time. Be their favorite cartoon character or their favorite superhero and inherit the character’s most favored positive trait. Let the children see that their parents can become their dearest gummy bears and it is the parent’s responsibility to make them understand why is the gummy bear the best.

Don’t go harsh: Strict parenting inhibits children from developing self-control and responsibility. Harsh limits may temporarily control behavior, but they do not help a child learn to self-regulate. Strict limits, on the other hand, drive people to avoid assuming responsibility for themselves. Children evolve as better humans if they are nurtured with care and love and they tend to empathize with other people better. Therefore, it becomes very important for parents to adopt a soft approach with their parenting style and go easy on their children even if they commit a grim mistake.

Justify your words with actions: The last yet most important psychological tip for healthy parenting is for the parents to stay committed to their words.

Many times we often promise something to our children but then don’t keep on to the promise. This can create a lot of trust issues that the children may have with the parents later on.

So if you have promised to take your children on vacation next month, make sure you do keep that promise and go on the vacation. Keeping all the promises during the early development phase of the child will bring up the children in a way that will encourage them to keep on to the promises they give to their parents.

(The author is a life coach, motivational speaker and founder of Sahil Kothari Training and Consultancy. Views expressed are personal and do not reflect the official position or policy of the Financial Express Online.)