Time to leave shame at the bedroom door. Period.

I remember a friend in college referring to her period as ‘blow job week’ because that’s what she would do with her partner in lieu of more reciprocal intimacy, when she was bleeding. This is not unusual: an international survey found 41 per cent of respondents avoided any sexual contact with their own genitals while on their period, and focused only on stimulating their partner.

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Missing out on period sex might feel like a cruel joke for those who experience an increase in sexual appetite during their period. Of course, there are plenty of ways to experience sexual intimacy when menstruating, without getting blood on your hands (or anywhere else) – most menstruators orgasm from clitoral stimulation alone, for example. But there’s also nothing wrong with a bit of mess: sex is messy, and awkward, and visceral. It is, after all, human, and pretending otherwise can inhibit pleasure in many ways.

That said, while I advocate for challenging shame and taboo around sex generally, I’m not demanding that we all launch into activities we’re uncomfortable with to get there. Lots of stuff can inhibit our desire: to-do lists, fear of being heard, time constraints, might all dampen the mood – alongside shame, anxiety, and a disinclination to deal with blood-stained sheets. In other words, it is perfectly legitimate to feel hornier for blood-free sex.

Enter a (medical-grade) silicone solution. Sisters Mika Koelma and Zoe Fehlberg have developed the first Australian-designed, and made, menstrual disc called Hey Zomi: a product that sits under your cervix without using suction (like a menstrual cup does) to collect blood. Like other internal period products, such as tampons and cups, it accommodates non-penetrative sexual intimacy. However, because it sits so snug, is flexible and has no stem, it also facilitates comfortable penetration.

Koelma told me she loves ‘mess-free period sex’, saying: “I have been having sex comfortably for years on my period, but this just made it mess-free.” She suggests this period product offers people a step into the conversation, to question some of the taboo around periods, sex and the relationship between the two.

Sex coach and sexologist Cindra Banks says a lot of her clients avoid sex when menstruating – often worrying that blood will go everywhere. “Restricting desire and pleasure for 5-7 days every month, that’s a lot of time that we’re missing out on intimacy opportunities and connection because of this one thing. You deserve pleasure when you have your period. Orgasm can be amazing for period pain. Even if you’re not comfortable having sex, there are so many things you can do to receive pleasure or be nurtured in that time, instead of putting pressure on yourself to give only.”

Here, Banks sees an invitation to move through shame about our bodies, suggesting products like this, and the conversations they start, can encourage us to “show up exactly as we are in the bedroom.”

And beyond – from the bedroom to, perhaps one day, the courtroom? Body shame is insidious: we don’t leave it on the mattress when we move into our public lives, we carry it with us. Maybe the mattress (or the floor, against a wall, whatever) is a good place to start the rebellion.

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