The tone of voice often ‘speaks’ more powerfully than actual words

Abha Chaudhary

Being a voice coach and an etiquette coach, I have realised the critical importance of the voice in setting the right climate for conversations and relationships to thrive. The voice is an honest transmitter of one’s intention. Words that may seem neutral can be provoking if spoken with a sarcastic, demeaning or contemptuous tone of voice, causing the listener to feel hurt.

A soft tone of voice is often interpreted as lack of confidence but too loud, and you’ll be seen as aggressive.

Vocal fingerprint

Think of your tone like a personalised vocal ‘fingerprint’ that distinguishes who you are and can tell others so much about you. Are you confident or condescending? Interested or distracted. Your conversational partners are people just like you who respond best to words that make them feel good. The ability to watch your tone may be a key indicator of the success of your relationship. To fine-tune your talking tone, you must also be mindful of your pace. To really get your message across, focus on articulating and conveying your message as clearly as possible by speaking at a steady, even pace. An overly high-pitched voice can suggest immaturity and defensiveness. Speaking too loudly makes you seem aggressive and insensitive. Instead of raising your voice, pause on the key words to draw the attention.

Tone indicates emotion

It’s easy to assume others know what we’re saying, but is it really understood as you intended it to be? Tone of the voice is actually its emotion. It reflects your attitude you bring to what you say. Your audience will use this to build their understanding of what you are saying. Practice managing your voice and taking note of how you sound frustrated, rushed, happy, sad, accepting or blaming. This will help you become more aware of the way your attitude is filtered through the inflections of your voice.

Be on same plane

Vocal pacing is a good etiquette to practice. If someone is anxious, decipher what does the other person expect you to do. At that moment of overwhelm, if you sound too calm and composed, it may sound that you don’t care. If you want to show that you care use the power of your voice – meet the other person in their plane of anxious concern. Very quickly you will be able to help them shift into a more settled state. As a relationship coach I often notice the emotional mismatch that is actually predicting the success or failure of a relationship. One of the most powerful ways to cultivate a powerful tone of voice is to shift your mindset to your heart and let your message shine with empathy through your words. Practise to read the other’s state of emotions and match your tone by thinking empathy. Unless you meet and greet a voice as correctly, a further conversation seldom is a success. Becoming aware of the words you use and the type of emotion you give off when speaking is a powerful way to remain present when communicating with your conversation partner.

(Chaudhary is a Chandigarh-based image and style consultant).