The shift to sheer dresses comes undone at the VMAs

For a shining moment, it felt as though celebrity stylists had hit the nude illusion sweet spot, pioneered by US designer Bob Mackie’s creations for Cher and Tina Turner. Then Doja Cat arrived.

The adult revelations of Doja Cat’s spider-web knit dress from Monse, with matching sheer pumps from Amina Muaddi, would send the title character of children’s book Charlotte’s Web spinning. From the performer who wore a prosthetic cat nose to this year’s Met Gala, the attempt to shock was both expected and somewhat disappointing.

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Nicki Minaj’s sheer (you’re picking up on the theme here, right?) Dolce & Gabbana dress was even more confusing. The pink ensemble combining a satin bodysuit with lace, net and a veil crept into the same so-bad-it’s-good category, which allowed Sisqo chart success with the Thong Song in 1999.

Montero singer Lil Nas X was just as playful, but slightly more successful, in a flowing white outfit, with feathered headpiece reminiscent of Princess Leia’s Star Wars hairstyle, from genderless label Palomo Spain. The outfit, which debuted days ago on the New York Fashion Week runway, reinforced Lil Nas’s commitment to headwear, having tapped British gender-neutral designer Harris Reed for his extravagant peacock feather headpiece at last year’s Video Music Awards.

Thing were taken down even more notches – out of the top 10 – by singer Tinashe’s X-rated net dress, with strategic electrical tape, and Kaliii’s floor-length orange dress with a sheer, mid-thigh panel.

After such a hopeful beginning, the red carpet descended into a visual cacophony, sending eyes searching for rest. The children of video vanguard award winner Shakira were caught in the vivid crossfire in matching Versace tracksuits better suited to Elton John.

The end fittingly came with the buttock cut-outs on Bebe Rexha’s leather dress. This flopped harder than the 1981 sex comedy, So Fine, starring Ryan O’Neal about jeans with buttock cut-outs.

If you’re looking for the So Fine DVD, try that petrol station with compilation CDs.

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