The Reluctant Mother: Documenting messy motherhood boldly

Express News Service

Most pregnant women customarily read books that are full of advice on what to eat, how to sleep, what to read, what to listen to and so on. This advice, which any mother can tell, gets tiring quickly. You begin to feel guilty for even thinking that you are done being pregnant. 

But this book is different. The Reluctant Mother by Zehra Naqvi lays bare the true trials and tribulations of pregnancy, childbirth, and the toddler years. This is probably what an expecting parent should also read along with the other pregnancy books.

In this memoir, the author who is young with a thriving career as a journalist has a carefree life and love-filled marriage. Then an unexpected pregnancy sends her into a crisis mode. Unlike what society expects one to do when found pregnant—jump with joy or touch your stomach lovingly a hundred times—the young woman here panics, cries and loathes being pregnant.

Quite understandably so because her life now comes to an abrupt halt—much-awaited professional trips are cancelled due to debilitating nausea, road trips are put on hold for safety, and even simple pleasures such as eating out are highly restricted due to a sensitive stomach. 

Probably those who have a planned pregnancy might feel slightly different. In an unplanned pregnancy when you are forced to take a break from the life you enjoy, it is quite difficult to love the person responsible for it—in this case, the baby. 

Naqvi is bold enough to state this fact. Also, if pregnancy is hard, post-baby is harder. As you read through the book, your heart goes out to the young mother as she tries and fails at creating a pre-baby life. The book also has a fine tale about how a holiday they take with the baby ends. 

The only downside to The Reluctant Mother is that it gets a little repetitive in snatches such as the woes of pregnancy and the pains of separation that Naqvi endures when her husband moves abroad. The book is filled with self-ponderings on why a baby isn’t a replacement for a partner, thoughts on marriage, and flashbacks on why the author wanted to leave her hometown Aligarh for a big city like Delhi. All these honest confessions make you feel for her deeply.

Though the book is about motherhood, there is a lot more on offer. The author’s unique views on life (when asked what is the most important thing to her in life, Naqvi says it is love—the love she shares with her partner. Not the child, not the family but just she and her man.) Lucid writing often laced with satire makes this book a pleasurable read. 

The Reluctant Mother
By:  Zehra Naqvi
Publisher: Hay House
Pages: 308
Price: Rs 399