One clump or two: why can I never pull just one wet-wipe from its packet?

Why do wet-wipes come out one at a time when you first open the pack, then in lumps of 10 or more towards the end? It’s almost as though the manufacturers want you to finish the pack so you can buy another one!
D.B., Cooks Hill, NSW

A: Thousands, maybe millions, of wet-wiping enthusiasts are probably reading your question right now and sitting up in their seats all excited, then sliding back down again because their backsides are over-lubed from excessive wet-wiping. Because it’s true: you’re right. As a pack of wet-wipes empties, unwanted wipes start coming out in big clumps – and then you have to stuff them back into the pack, which can feel a little indecent, especially if it’s one of those dispensers with a sphincter-puckered nozzle.

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I’m sure the scientifically-minded members of the wet-wiping community would put this phenomenon down to basic physics: that tightly packed wet-wipes (Ww) have more frictional forces (Ff) holding them in place, but, as the pack empties, the friction decreases (Fd) and the wipes come out in great, sloppy, frictionless wads of 10 or more (Gs Fw [Ww≥10]).

While conspiracy-minded members of the wet-wiping community might think there’s something more sinister going on. That the manufacturers have designed the packaging to waste more of the product so you’re forced to buy a new pack – a cunning cabalistic plot orchestrated by Hillary Clinton and Lady Gaga, using Jewish space-lasers. Personally, I think it’s probably a combination of both commonsense science and deep-state Gagas. Either way, I really don’t understand why people still use wet-wipes: they’re bad for the environment, they clog up our sewers and they always feel like a piece of toilet paper that somebody’s already used.

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