Mums influence how kids feel about their bodies. Here’s how to make it positive

Deek wanted to investigate what was influencing the experiences of these young women, and untangle the power of mums and sisters to drive these behaviours.

The study of 422 women aged between 17 and 25 found that growing up with mothers and sisters who spoke about being fat or “flabby” – or who were focused on the appearance of their bodies – significantly increased the likelihood of the participants feeling bad about themselves and having a dysfunctional relationship with food.

“Is it obvious? Yes,” says Deek. “We needed to first show these relationships in order to say ‘Hey there are these negative associations, but that means mothers are really uniquely positioned to influence their daughters in a positive way too’.”

For example, social media and friends also play a huge role in shaping, and often warping, the way we see ourselves.

And though we have become more aware of body image and the need to represent and celebrate diverse body types, there is little respite from the influences of social media and the onslaught of unrealistic images on platforms like Instagram and TikTok.

“What I wonder is: could the home environment be a safe space away from all these messages?” Deek asks.

Co-author and lead of the Embrace Impact Lab at Flinders University, Associate Professor Ivanka Prichard agrees that mums and sisters have the power to counter some of the toxic influences that surround us.

“It tells us how important the home environment is,” she suggests of the research.

Creating positive change

While it’s obvious that mums can influence a girl’s body image and eating behaviours, creating a positive home environment around body image is far more complicated.

It’s a challenge for mums still dealing with their own body image or eating issues, or who were bullied themselves for being overweight as a kid and fear the same for their own children.

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It is also a challenge because, though we have progressed from the diet culture, today’s wellness culture can be just as dangerous.

“It’s a fine line between diet culture and wellness culture,” says Prichard. “We’ve seen that with the fitspiration movement. You take something inspiring like fitness, and add a whole bunch of appearance-related pressures around that, and it no longer becomes healthy.”

Although we might not fear fat and sugar like we once did, wellness culture still idolises thinness, focuses on appearances and demonises many foods. This means that even parents with the best intentions can become overly focused on “good” and “bad” foods, weight and the way their children look.

Obsessing about diet or weight is never in the interest of children’s health, and it’s worth noting that eating disorders happen to kids at much higher rates than many other health issues, including Type 2 diabetes. Mental health matters and is instrumental to good physical health.

Supporting our kids to develop healthy body image and eating behaviours means being conscious about how we talk about our own bodies and food. For this reason, parents should talk about qualities other than appearance, and model healthy behaviours, Prichard says.

“It’s not just the way we talk, but the foods we eat and having a family meal together. And it’s talking about value of food – the nutrients it has and how it makes us healthy and strong and helps our brains develop.”

It also means, when we discuss physical activity, focusing on the fact that getting out for a walk and some fresh air or playing sport is good for us and improves the way we feel rather than it being a form of punishment because the parent feels fat or because they have overeaten.

It’s tricky territory, Deek admits. And, of course, parents can do all the right things and still have their children struggle with body image.

She urges parents to be kind to themselves and recognise it’s not a perfect art, but to remember that by shifting the conversation from a focus on appearance to a focus on functionality we can change the trajectory for ourselves and our children.

“Having that insight is a really good place to start.”

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