Let kids get bored. It’s good for them

Boredom is an emotion, says Westgate, who likened it to an indicator light on a car’s dashboard: “Boredom is telling you that what you’re doing right now isn’t working”. Usually, that means the task you are doing is too easy or too difficult, she says, or that it lacks meaning.

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One way parents can help children, particularly younger ones, learn to manage boredom is to work with them on developing what Westgate calls greater emotional granularity. For instance, you can help them to distinguish between feeling sad or bored. “Name it to tame it,” a phrase coined by psychiatrist Dan Siegel, is a technique many child development experts use to help children identify their feelings.

Kids will often say “I’m bored” when they are lonely or want attention, says Katie Hurley, who holds a doctorate in social work and is the author of The Happy Kid Handbook. So, it can help to ask if they are looking for comfort or companionship, she says.

Also, do what you can to normalise the feeling. “We have a tendency to treat boredom as a sign of distress, or a sort of call for help,” Hurley says. “It is uncomfortable, but it’s not necessarily negative.”

Boredom can lead to fulfillment

Boredom offers children an opportunity to experiment with the kinds of pursuits that feel fulfilling and interesting to them, Westgate says.

For example, if you let your kids loose in the backyard, they may feel bored initially, she says. But they can learn to prevent that feeling, or resolve it, by finding activities that feel meaningful to them, whether that’s counting bugs, playing with a ball or drawing with chalk. If parents don’t allow for free, imaginative play, children may never discover their innate love of nature, sports or art, or even the pleasure they can find in simply relaxing or playing.

“Being able to identify and develop those sources of meaning is a really critical skill to have lifelong,” Westgate says.

“Boredom busters” can break the spell

Parents sometimes fear boredom, and the havoc it can wreak around the house, Hurley says. But free time carves out room for discovery. Hurley recommends looking at your child’s weekly schedule and asking: “Is there something we can take away, and just call it ‘quiet downtime’?”

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But parents should not expect kids to instinctively know what might feel meaningful to them. Instead, parents should remind their children of things they are interested in or care about, Westgate says.

“It’s the difference between leaving the child in a room with absolutely nothing to do,” she says, versus “bringing them into a room that you know has books and puzzles – things that would be meaningful to your kid – and that would be a good fit for them.” (She also noted that research has shown that without positive outlets, people can be more inclined to engage in harmful behaviours.)

Hurley says that kids aged five and under need a specific menu of “boredom busters” or questions such as: Do you want to play with Lego? Do you want to play with Play-Doh? Do you want to go outside? Parents often feel pressure to get down on the floor and play with young children every time the children are feeling bored, she says, but that can keep children from learning how capable they are of stepping into their imaginations.

With slightly older children, Hurley says she might say something like, “Take a walk around the house and come up with three ideas, and get back to me”. Once kids shift from a state of boredom to positive action, “it opens up creativity, problem-solving and all kinds of academic learning skills”.

Phones and devices require little effort, Westgate notes, so children and adults often turn to them as a way to soothe feelings of boredom.

“With kids, it makes complete sense that they ask for screens when they’re bored, but that doesn’t mean, obviously, that is what’s best for them in that situation,” she says.

The New York Times

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