‘Kids’ parties became just another excuse to have a drink’

I believed that alcohol made me more fun, confident, outgoing and social, and despite instances of injuring myself, no one ever questioned my behaviour or raised any concerns. Getting the drunkest the fastest became a part of my personality and I was always expected to get the party started and to keep it going. Equally, when I began experiencing blackouts and memory loss, I ignored the warning signs that my habits were affecting my brain function.

Loading

While the drugs stopped in my 30s, the drinking didn’t, even after I became a mother. If anything, my drinking behaviour intensified, and I became increasingly out of control. The stressors of motherhood and marriage challenges meant kids’ parties were just another excuse to have a drink. I went to drug and alcohol counselling twice: after the birth of my child in 2014, when I broke my arm running up a hill while drunk, and then in 2017. But as I never believed I had a problem, I never succeeded.

Then, during lockdown, I began drinking during the day and by myself to cope with anxiety and isolation. I started mixing my antidepressants with alcohol, which caused rapid blackout episodes, and I became angry and frustrated. My husband couldn’t influence my behaviour no matter how hard he tried, and he even threatened to remove my daughter from being with me if I chose to drink.

Riddled with mum guilt and tired of my intoxicated self, I decided to try a 30-day online program called The Alcohol Experiment. This program changed my relationship with alcohol and the importance of it in my life. I realised that I am enough without alcohol and that I have the confidence to be the life of the party without it.

I began to sleep better, I got out of an unhappy marriage, and I created my business, Dry But Wet, to support others. Above all, I hope that I’ll be a positive role model and set an example for my daughter’s relationship with and understanding of alcohol.”

“I was a good mum on weekdays, but on the weekends I wanted to feel like my old self”

Victoria Vanstone, 46, first used alcohol as a teenager to fit in and boost her confidence. After she became a mum, she gave up drinking to be a more present parent.

“I was born into a family of drinkers. From a very young age I saw alcohol piled up in the garage, and I watched how it made everyone seem happier and more relaxed at my parent’s parties. I never once considered the downsides. It was too deeply ingrained within my environment for me to question it, and it was expected that I would begin drinking and join in the ‘fun’.

When I had my first taste of alcohol at age 13, I realised that my constant worrying was replaced by feelings of euphoria and how it made me more sociable and accepted by my peer group. But most of all, it made me confident with boys, so I was into it.

From that first sip I got a reputation as the girl you came to for a guaranteed good night out, a reliable drinking buddy, the life and soul of every party. In the end, this led to experimenting with recreational drugs, promiscuity, and making lots of bad choices.

I continued binge-drinking throughout my 20s and 30s, and no one ever pointed out that my party-girl behaviour was problematic. It was socially acceptable, even celebrated.

During both my pregnancies, in 2011 and 2018, I realised I was responsible for the lives growing inside me and I remained sober. But as the pressures and ordinariness of being stuck at home, changing nappies and trying to be a good mum got to me, I started going out on Saturday nights, getting drunk and waking up hungover the next morning to a crying baby that depended on my care.

I was essentially a good mum on weekdays, but on weekends I wanted to feel like my old self again. I attempted to moderate my drinking, but no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t stop at one.

Loading

Knowing these two worlds would never mix, in 2018 I determined to change things and participated in a 12-week therapy course called Breaking Free from Addictions, Compulsions and Anxiety. I began to unravel my relationship with alcohol, which was enough to stop me from drinking.

For 18 months, I didn’t tell anyone I was getting sober. I first wanted to feel stable and able to cope with people’s questions. When I went out, I held a beer bottle in my hand and no one realised that I didn’t take a sip.

Gradually, I got to know the me without alcohol and the party-girl persona disappeared. I learnt that I was good fun without alcohol.

I’ve been a sober mum for five years now and I love how I’m more present and available. I even co-host the comedy podcast Sober Awkward, which provides insights into how booze impacts our community, mental health and self-worth. I hope that leading by example will give my children the ability to make more positive choices about alcohol.”

“I still have a good time, but I’m a sober party girl now”

Kathryn Elliott, 50, used alcohol to unwind and numb emotional pain. After a cancer diagnosis, she is advocating for awareness and healthier lifestyles for women.

“I had my first drink at 14, but my problematic social-binge-drinking behaviour actually started at 16. I liked how alcohol allowed me to loosen up. I also got a lot of positive affirmation from my peers around how I was a ‘good drinker for a female’. I could easily keep up with my male friends at university – eight to 10 drinks a night – and that made me want to keep drinking and be a party girl.

It was from those early years at university that I remember having blackouts and not being able to process long-term memories. It also led to emotionally aggressive outbursts with my partners. Yet, because I liked the way alcohol allowed me to let off steam and to feel like a rebel, I carried on binge-drinking.

In my early 40s, I started to practise yoga and meditation and I became interested in healthy living. The fact that I continued to get wasted on the weekends began to create cognitive dissonance in me. My drinking habits didn’t align with my values, and this resulted in a lot of negative self-criticism. However, any attempt to moderate never worked.

Loading

My turning point was in 2019, when my three young children saw me drunk on a family holiday. After that, I decided I wanted a life away from drinking, so I signed up to The Live Alcohol Experiment, a 30-day online program. I was able to commit to the process and I quit drinking.

Unfortunately, six weeks after I quit, I found a lump in my breast. I was diagnosed with an aggressive form of breast cancer and endured 15 months of chemotherapy, surgery, radiation and targeted therapy.

I found a lot of information linking breast cancer to alcohol. This allowed me stay on track in my choice to be alcohol-free under the stress and trauma of therapy and the realisation of my own mortality.

I’ve been cancer- and alcohol-free for the last four years. I’ve also had a midlife career change and am now a binge-drinking and alcohol coach and a proud member of Hello Sunday Morning [an Australian non-profit that helps people change their relationship with alcohol].

I also advocate through the Foundation for Alcohol Research and Education [an independent, not-for-profit organisation that works to prevent the harmful use of alcohol] about the health risks connected with alcohol and breast cancer.

Two of my sons are now teens and experimenting with alcohol. I’ve been honest about the choices I’ve made, and I’ve taught them how you don’t need alcohol to have a good time.

As for me, I still have a good time, but I’m a sober party girl now.”

Make the most of your health, relationships, fitness and nutrition with our Live Well newsletter. Get it in your inbox every Monday.