If you’re invited to a child-free wedding, be an adult about it

Over the past few weeks, debate has been raging about the ethics of child-free weddings. Is it okay to ban kids from wedding celebrations, and is it fair to expect parents to either find a sitter, or miss out?

Well, yes, I say, as someone who loves children. I even had three of my own. I enjoy nothing more than cuddling a newborn, or having a chat with a toddler. But you know what else I enjoy quite fervently? Child-free time.

I have swum in an adults-only pool at a resort, and practically wept with joy. I have sat and read my book on a quiet carriage in a train and appreciated every peaceful second. I have gone to dinner parties sans kids and had great conversations over a glass of wine.

It doesn’t seem to me to be particularly controversial to have age-restricted events. I mean, my 14-year-old daughter doesn’t want anyone over the age of 15 at her party. Why can’t we adults have child-free parties too?

Sure, but weddings don’t fall into that category, people argue. Weddings are about love and family, and kids are the epitome of both.

Well … no. Weddings aren’t about family, and they’re not even really about love. Weddings are about the bride and groom, and their vision for their special day. They might want a fancy black-tie event, they might want a breezy shoeless function on a beach, they might want a destination wedding in some far-flung location, or – gasp – they might want an adults-only affair.

This feels extremely reasonable to me. After all, little kids are cute, but they are not just ornamental. Their presence completely changes the energy of a function. And yes, it’s true, kids can change the energy in delightful ways; I once attended the church wedding of a teacher who invited her entire fourth grade class, and the rows of kids in their best clothes beaming up at the bride made my heart sing.

But kids can also change the energy of a function in ways that are loud and chaotic. At that same beautiful church wedding, things degenerated pretty quickly. By the end of ceremony, several kids were giggling, and fidgeting, and kicking the chairs in front of them, and though I did my best to quieten them, they would not be quietened.