If a male contraceptive pill were to become a reality, could we trust blokes to take it?

At 64, the only fertile thing about me is my imagination. But looking back, it astounds me how much of my life I spent worrying about contraception.

A woman’s work is never done – not by blokes anyway. Not only are females assigned the majority of household chores, child-rearing and emotional labour, they’re also responsible for pregnancy prevention.

But, 60 years after the contraceptive pill became available in Australia, scientists have finally announced major steps towards a hormone-based male pill with the totally unsexy name of dimethandrolone undecanoate (some men will take less time to perform the sexual act than to say the name of this new prophylactic). The drug basically hobbles the sperm, like sending Kyle Chalmers into the 100-metre freestyle wearing cement flippers.

Human trials for another male contraceptive with the trade name Nestorone are also promising. This requires the daily application of a sperm-halting hormone gel across the shoulders. For the first time in history, men will literally be shouldering the responsibility for fertility.

Which seems only fair. Whereas most women are fertile for only about 24 hours a month, most men are fertile every second of every day, from puberty to death. Al Pacino, 83, has just become a dad for the fourth time. Robert De Niro, 79, recently welcomed his seventh child. And Formula 1 boss Bernie Ecclestone fathered a son not long before he turned 90. (It’s sweet, isn’t it? Bernie and baby can take naps together wearing nappies.)

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Despite this male fecundity, it’s females who are predominantly burdened with pregnancy prevention. The side effects of the pill can be a hair-raising hormonal ride which makes a roller-coaster look tame. Yes, there’s the cervical cap, but inserting one requires the skills of a contortionist: one false move and it pings across the bathroom like a rubber yarmulke. And the coil? To simulate getting a coil fitted, try having an appendectomy using barbecue tongs with no anaesthetic.

But with a viable male contraceptive pill on the heterosexual horizon, the big question is this: can we trust blokes to take it? It’s hard enough to get most fellas to remember to hang up wet towels and take out the garbage. Sexist stereotyping, you say? No, just years of house shares with blokes. Oh, and supporting sociological data from most feminist research groups.

If only scientists would develop a pharmaceutical concoction designed to make men do more housework. Forget the “miracle of life stirring within you”, women will then be experiencing miracles on a daily basis: watching male spouses vacuuming … without being asked! Also, if they forget to take a daily dose, the only outcome will be a pregnant pause followed by the universal, sarcastic female sigh of, “Don’t worry. I’ll do it.”