I am uncomfortable using the word ‘mate’. Am I un-Australian?

I recently got a call from a stranger, someone I’d only spoken to briefly once, and was taken aback when he called me “mate” about five times.

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To me, it was like he was saying “hello friend”, when we weren’t friends.

Maybe the reticence is a genetic emotional reserve from my English ancestors. (Admittedly that call was not as uncomfortable as the time an interviewee I had never met ran up and hugged me like a long-lost sister – she meant well, I’m sure.)

I used to see a paramedic character in a TV medical drama use “mate” on patients he was wheeling into the hospital and it grated on me. I’d tell the TV “that patient is not your mate!”

Also, “mate” used to be a term you’d hear more in nature documentaries.

And yes, terms like “mate” are a bit blokey for me, although I know some bonza – very down-to-earth – women who carry it off with aplomb.

But even if you are in the “mate, I love using mate” camp, the rules on when to use the term have stretched. It can be used as much as a threat as a term of endearment.

These days you’re as just as likely to hear it between strangers in a violent road rage confrontation as you are between neighbours having a chinwag (although I’d never use chinwag in everyday speech – what a daggy word).

Yet, we are a nation divided – into those who do and those who don’t partake. I wonder what percentage of the population never use “mate”. I reckon half the people I know use it, and half don’t. But live and let live, I say.

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When it’s not being uttered by an angry bikie wielding a weapon, “mate” can be warm and disarming, breaking down formal barriers. It’s handy as a form of address when you’ve forgotten someone’s name. And much like “like”, or “yeah, nah” it can be a ripper “filler” word.

Maaaate, there could be hope for me yet. I used to find “darl” or “hun” terribly fake and twee, but I’m coming around. I can see how it can be fun and endearing to hurl a “thanks love” back at the person.

I am chipping away, tentatively, with my ockerisms. I’ve started to use “G’day mate” or “Merry Christmas darl” to select people, as a private joke.

It’s a way of saying, “this is how old we are, that we’re talking like old bogans” or “you’re so familiar to me and loved that you’ll get that I’m joking”.

When I reach that level of acquaintance with someone, I know that they truly are a good friend. Or a mate, as all youse more dinky-di Strayans than me tend to say.

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