How we can break the mould on gender divide in relationships

My pet peeve is dads who refer to looking after their kids as “babysitting”. No mate, it’s actually called “parenting”.

A few friends compared picking up after their spouse to living with an extra child. Yet complaining about it was seen as disrespectful.

It was reassuring to hear from one dad who finishes work earlier in the afternoons. He usually does the school pick-ups, helps with homework and gets dinner started before his partner takes over when she gets home. There are no hard and fast rules about whose job is whose – it is very much a team effort.

Workplace culture plays a huge role in this unconscious bias, as gender imbalances often arise when women return to the workforce after parental leave. Mum’s career generally takes the backseat while childcare is prioritised. Men, historically, have had successful careers because they have a wife to look after their children and do the cooking and cleaning.

But our experiences during COVID-19 have shown us that flexible working arrangements can help break this gender bias. One mum said that working from home was the best way to make the transition back to work after maternity leave because it meant she could still breastfeed.

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She was also grateful that her partner could drop to two days of work as primary caregiver, while she returned to work three days a week. However, she observed that men were pressured against taking parental leave, even if it was part of the EBA and their bosses were obligated to let them take it if requested.

Her experience is an example of why workplaces need to retain flexible working arrangements long after lockdowns. We have seen that productivity can be achieved with flexibility.

The optimistic news is that some families are becoming more progressive.

One single dad told me that he is working hard to teach his daughter that gender is an arbitrary concept and gender roles aren’t really a thing.

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“I try to push the idea that my daughter can do anything she chooses and that while she may choose to be a princess, there’s no waiting around to be rescued; you pick up a sword and rescue yourself,” he said.

If we have any hope of untangling generations of gender inequality, we must band together to challenge this unconscious bias. It’s time to set an example for current and future generations that women’s roles – both in the workforce and in the home – are equally important as men’s.

I’m tired of defending gender roles to a society that has yet to evolve to a truly inclusive culture.

Mel Buttigieg is a freelance writer.