Close to a breakdown, John found solace in a fathers’ group

John was on the verge of crumbling. After years of being physically and verbally abused by his partner, the 42-year-old’s self-esteem was at an all-time low. The father of two knew he needed support, but didn’t know where to find it. Then, one morning three years ago as John dropped his children off at school, another dad approached him. “He said, ‘We’re doing this barbecue and it’s a good chance for us to chat. Come and join us.’ And I did.”

That barbecue was run by The Fathering Project, a not-for-profit organisation founded in 2013 by Professor Bruce Robinson of the University of Western Australia. Since its inception, it has built more than 700 dads’ groups across all states and territories. “Each of them has 50-100 participants at any time, so that’s quite a lot of people,” says Fathering Project chief executive Káti Gapaillard.

The aim of these groups is two-fold. First, Gapaillard says, they provide support for fathers.

Parenting is hard for everyone, she says, but mothers often have a “natural support system” through mothers’ group, friends and family. “Whereas fathers just don’t have that.“

Dr Nicole Highet, founder and executive director of the Centre of Perinatal Excellence, echoes that sentiment. She says one of the hardest parts of fatherhood is how “isolating and alienating” it can be. “Just connecting with others and realising they’re not alone in their experience is so important, for men particularly.”

According to the Gidget Foundation, one in 10 fathers experiences perinatal depression and anxiety, yet half of those don’t seek support. Further, almost 50 per cent of first-time fathers believe postnatal depression and anxiety are signs of weakness.

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While seeking professional help is recommended, Highet says fathers’ groups can play a vital supporting role. Dads don’t have to join a face-to-face group to reap the benefits, either. Highet says online forums such as Dads Group allow men to meet up digitally. Starting an informal catch-up is another way to garner such support.

These groups are not just about offering support to fathers, Gapaillard adds. They also benefit their children. She says fathers play a unique role in children’s social, emotional and cognitive development and that having an “absent” father (one who is “disengaged, ill-equipped or busy”) is directly linked to poor outcomes in children. These include increased school absence and dropouts, mental health issues and more engagement in violence and drug-related crimes.