Being a mirror as a minority: I hugged a woman I never met

We chatted more and it turned out that she was from Sydney. What were the odds of meeting another black woman in Mumbai who happened to live in Australia? She was in India with a school group.

“I am so glad to have seen you,” she said. “And me you,” I replied.

As she returned to her friends, I heard one ask, “How do you know her?”

“I don’t,” replied Henrietta, “but I do. We know each other.”

And as we walked away my youngest said, “Black code, Mum. So cool!”

My husband held my arm and then my hand, without a word. He knew.

If I had met me in India 20 years ago, I would have run into my arms, too. This is the power of the mirror when you are a minority. We don’t “know” each other, but, as Henrietta said, we know each other.

And when we see each other on the street, on the TV, in the boardroom, that sighting says to us, “I can belong here, too. I need to see you here so that I can see myself.”

If you’re in a minority or marginalised community and you’re striving to be more than you have been told you can be, remember that on the days when you question yourself, or the journey seems too hard, there will be someone who looks like you who sees you.

Being a mirror as a minority is powerful – it changes people’s lives. I first saw Oprah Winfrey on TV when I was 14 years old and my first thought was, “I didn’t know black women were allowed to do that!” As a young black girl, I had been told exactly what roles I was destined for – the worst being a drug dealer’s girlfriend. If I really wanted to succeed, I could be a nurse.

Of course there is nothing wrong with being a nurse – thank the heavens for nurses – but I was given two choices and I had no interest in either. When I saw a “mirror” in Oprah, I didn’t want to be her, but seeing her opened up a whole new world of possibilities.

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If you’re in a minority or marginalised community and you’re striving to be more than you have been told you can be, remember that on the days when you question yourself, or the journey seems too hard, there will be someone who looks like you who sees you. Seeing you could change their life – not because you mentored them, or even spoke to them, but because they saw you. You are their mirror. What a gift.

The power of the mirror is why it is vital that there is abundant diversity within the workplace. We are in a time where you can no longer say, “We’ve tried, but …” If you do not have diversity within your workplace, you are not trying hard enough. You may need to invest time and money to work out what is missing and ask, Why are we not attracting diversity?

I promise you there are people of all colours, classes, ages, physical abilities and ethnicities who want to work in every industry. Do the work to attract them, find them, support them and create structures to empower them. No excuses. Do the work so we can all see ourselves in the places we want to be.