As our social lives return, here’s how to set personal boundaries

While some people will slide back into going to restaurants with ease, others might not want to go to indoor public places just yet.

“Establish your values and what your expectations are, and try to stick with them,” says McKinnon.

Being clear about what you’re comfortable and uncomfortable with ensures nothing is misconstrued and nobody feels rejected.

“When you just say ‘no’ to catching up with someone without giving them any details, they can feel really rejected and unloved,” says McKinnon. “The key to all of this is assertive communication, and just remembering setting a boundary doesn’t need to be a confrontation.”

Lowinger agrees, and says it’s important to remember that assertiveness is not aggression but standing up for your own needs while being considerate of the people around you.

“We’re inherently not very good at assertiveness as human beings, right? We jump into passive, which is social withdrawal [but] ultimately, assertiveness is your right, to be purposeful, to say ‘these are my needs right now’.”

And never underestimate the power of warm, open body language and friendly tones, says McKinnon.

Practice helps

For those who struggle with setting boundaries and being assertive about their needs, practising while alone can help, says McKinnon.

This can be especially true if you’re dreading having a conversation you deem difficult, like telling a friend you don’t want to see them just yet.

She says writing down assertive statements and then rehearsing them can help reduce nervousness or stress associated with the conversation. “Sometimes in the moment, it’s hard to come up with them on the spot, especially if you’re highly anxious about doing it.”

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Plus, preparing what you’ll say in advance also means you’ll have more compassion for the other person.

Lastly, it’s important to be kind to yourself during this time and remember it’s a learning curve for us all.

“I think these experiences do give us the chance to grow resilience and if you’re not accustomed to setting personal boundaries, I think post lockdown is a great opportunity to really focus on building that skill,” says McKinnon.

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