Matters of the mind and men

Just a few days after winning the doubles title with Thanasi Kokkinakis at the 2022 Australian Open, Australian tennis star Nick Kyrgios said he had “suicidal thoughts” and dealt with depression and abuse of drugs and alcohol in the past.

“I know that day to day life can seem extremely exhausting, impossible at times. I understand that you feel if you open up it may make you feel weak, or scared. I’m telling you right now, it’s OK, you are not alone,” Kyrgios, 26, took to his verified Instagram account on February 24 this year to make this confession. “I’m proud to say I’ve completely turned myself around and have a completely different outlook on everything, I don’t take one moment for granted. I want you to be able to reach your full potential and smile. This life is beautiful,” he adds.

Kyrgios might have been lauded for speaking publicly and frankly about his mental health, but when it comes to men, not many are willing to do so, even though the health concern is assuming alarming proportions worldwide, including in India.

According to an internal report published by the Union ministry of social justice and empowerment in early 2021, over 70% of callers to India’s national mental health helpline, KIRAN (1800-599-0019), since its launch, were men.

The 24×7 toll-free mental health helpline was launched in September 2020 and is now available in 13 Indian languages. It provides psychological support, distress management and psychological crisis management. The helpline received 15,170 calls until January 31 last year, as per reports.

The silent epidemic
Studies from around the world show that men find it more difficult to open up about mental health, though they are significantly more, if not less, at risk of suffering than women. Not surprisingly, mental issues among men have been called by many as a ‘silent epidemic’.

“When violence against women and children goes up, when more men than women commit suicide, there is a silent violent epidemic of men’s mental health. It’s a huge health concern because it impacts not just men, but everyone in their vicinity,” says Deepa Narayan, social science researcher, author and host of podcast What’s a Man? Masculinity in India.

“While it’s hard to measure such things because it’s hugely under-reported given the stigma (and, yes, it’s called a ‘silent’ epidemic for a reason), one indication comes from the American Psychological Association’s (APA) warning in 2019 to therapists about ‘traditional masculinist ideology’ as a threat to men’s mental and physical well-being and to those around them. In cultures that encourage such traditional ideologies for men, such as in India, the health concern is perhaps greater,” says Sonora Jha, an essayist, novelist, and professor of journalism at Seattle University, US.

Jha is the author of the memoir, How to Raise a Feminist Son: Motherhood, Masculinity, and the Making of My Family. The book follows a mother’s journey to raise a feminist son as a
single parent.

Statistics show that women are twice as likely to be diagnosed with depression as compared with men, but men are twice as likely to die from suicide compared to women, says Dr Shyam Bhat, psychiatrist, and chairperson of LiveLoveLaugh Foundation, a charitable trust that aims to give hope to people experiencing stress, anxiety and depression. LiveLoveLaugh was founded in 2015 by actor Deepika Padukone.

“India has about 230,000 suicides a year, of which 80,000 deaths are women, and 150,000 are men. When men are depressed, they may not be in touch with their sadness, they may not be aware that they are sad, and they may not even look sad and depressed. On the other hand, they may have behavioural problems like getting angrier, more aggressive, more irritable, turning to substances more, and, in general, behaviour that is deemed as ‘bad behaviour’, rather than depressed behaviour,” explains Bhat.

“As a result of this behaviour, the men then get more isolated because their behaviour drives away people close to them. This results in further isolation, emptiness, and a worsening of their depressive symptoms leading to despair, isolation, hopelessness, and suicidality,” he adds.

Narayan adds: “Do superheroes seek help? Not while they have their cape on. We train men with all the expectations of being a superhero—always powerful, strong, protector, muscular, always right, knows everything and can do everything, never sad or confused. Asking for help is the opposite of being a superhero. That is why patriarch shrinks the possibilities for men to be fully human and is bad for men as well as for women and all others.”

Incidentally, about 32% of those who reached out to the KIRAN helpline were students, as per reports citing the social justice and empowerment ministry data. “Men refusing to come out and speak about the trauma they face is something I have read about so often and seen in person. Not only is this issue prevalent among men, but it’s also prevalent among teenagers, with mental health issues in all demographics being heightened throughout the pandemic,” says Suyash Dasgupta, a grade 12 student at Singapore American School and author of Chosen, a novel that attempts to lay bare the rare issue of male mental health.
Chosen tells the story of a bully teenager Mason, his depressed, dejected, and abusive father, and their broken bond.

Lending a helping hand
The way forward requires internalising the truth that patriarchal norms reduce and limit men just like they do to women, says Rajat Mittal, founder of Boyish.in, a monthly newsletter expanding the discourse on masculinity in India.

“Boys can and definitely must feel loved and belonged outside the sole role of a provider. It is one of the archetypes, not the only archetype of a fulfilling life for me. Relentless economic and social domination is a failed script, and ironically, it hurts the men who assume this dominator role the most,” adds Mittal.

Given the gravity of the situation, some platforms have been lending a helping hand to men in dealing with mental health concerns. Man Matters, a digital health platform for men, has come up with a new campaign #LetsTalkMan. The campaign reflects on how men sometimes refrain from opening up and do not allow themselves to be vulnerable, which then leads to bottling up of emotions.

The latest digital film executed by Spring Marketing Capital features actress Girija Oak Godbole of Taare Zameen Par and Shor in the City fame and she encourages men to self-love and talk about their problems.

Commenting on the campaign, Anuroop Nair, director of brand marketing at Mosaic Wellness (parent company of Man Matters), says, “With this campaign, we are one step closer to our brand’s vision. The idea is to encourage the men to come forward and talk about their challenges without any hesitation or societal pressure. We have seen that society has always perceived and internalised men to be tough, physically strong, and for some reason, not emotionally forthcoming. Men opening up about their feelings and problems is considered to be ‘weak’. Through this campaign, we want to break those gender biases and at the same time make sure the film is worth repeat-watching and entertaining.”

Male celebs & mental health
Several well-known personalities have spoken publicly and frankly about their mental health

Nick Kyrgios
Australian tennis star

Prince Harry
Philanthropist and member of the British royal family

Brad Pitt
Actor & film producer

Michael Phelps
Olympic swimmer

Dwayne Johnson
Actor, producer & former professional wrestler

Zayn Malik
Singer & songwriter

Trevor Noah
Comedian, political commentator, writer & TV host

Wayne Brady
Actor, comedian & TV personality

Oscar De La Hoya
Professional boxer