In the middle of all the carry-on, we need to feel the love

It is an odd week. I write this the day before a (supposed) day of bringing us all together to “celebrate” Australia.

As a migrant — admittedly of the type responsible for invasion day — I have always had a healthy suspicion of flags and the nationalism they represent. As an Englishman abroad, one learns from an early age to choose sides between drunks bedecked in union flags normally near a football (not soccer!) ground. It somehow puts me in mind of Evelyn Waugh’s Put Out More Flags.

Another reason the week is odd is because one of my oldest and dearest friends is leaving for a new life in Central America with his Canadian girlfriend. There is more than a touch of Evelyn Waugh in this plot-line. There is nothing like a major development in your social circle and a national holiday to make you reflect on your own life and career. The play between work and leisure seems to be changing and probably always has been.

Take hugging as an example. I have always seen myself as a tad stand-offish in the hugging department and tried to avoid being trapped like my three-month-escaped and recently found and rescued cat. However, from the right people, friends or lovers, it is warm, reassuring, even needed.

What about work colleagues? If professional sports people are any guide, hugging is de rigueur to celebrate a victory minor or large. There is Ash Barty jumping up and down in a hug circle, footballers and cricketers embracing after goals and wickets, swimmers clinching over lane dividers. These are potent celebrations of relationships that muddy the waters of work delineations.

Yet hugging can be one of the lower rungs of stairs that lead to harassment, cultural insensitivity, bullying and sexual assault. It is understandable why it is frowned upon in many work settings. Sporting settings have had their fair share of problems in this regard.

Clearly physical manifestations of friendship or love are merely one aspect of friendship, and many friendships do not exhibit such displays of affection. Indeed, being physically proximate is not a necessary requirement — penpals, and now social media and internet friendships are common.

What of friendship, when we are encouraged to follow our passions or devote ourselves to our careers? In an environment that encourages individualism, satisfying the self, and where selfies are deployed to promote a uni-directional narcissistic distortion of friendship, where are our true friends?