“80 for Brady” is the film that broke the Oscar winners’ backs.
Coming on the heels of too many comedic ventures that went nowhere, it simply gave its stars one more credit and access to health care.
Even though they look absurd, Jane Fonda (in a garish series of wigs), Lily Tomlin, Sally Field and Rita Moreno gamely try to find humor in a story of four friends going to the Super Bowl to cheer on Tom Brady and the New England Patriots.
Loosely based in fact (loosely being key here), the new golden girls have to struggle with missing tickets, meddling relatives and a series of implausible situations that don’t even make the game seem all that interesting.
Tomlin – the biggest of the Brady fans – plays a woman who’s worried about her cancer returning. She has a note from her doctor, but isn’t interested in opening it until she can convince the others to make the trek to Houston. Unfortunately, getting tickets is nearly impossible, so they enter a series of contests and, soon, discover they’re headed to the big game. Clad in custom jerseys (which herald the film’s title), they’re smack dab in the heat of the action – at the NFL Experience. There, Tomlin tosses footballs, Field eats wings and Fonda reads from one of her Gronk love stories. They meet plenty of high-powered celebs (but, oddly, no reporters who would have salivated at their story) and discover the tickets they had are missing.
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Writers Emily Halpern and Sarah Haskins toss them into more improbable situations until the four finally wind up at the game, tossing fries in the air whenever a play works.
Suffice it to say, they get to meet Brady (who’s just as stiff on film as he is in interviews) and swap retirement advice.
While the four stars gamely go into that dark tunnel of clichés, they manage a few laughs that work. Moreno is the most facile of the bunch; Field suggests there could be a good film lurking about women who calculate sports probabilities.
Guy Fieri, Billy Porter and Harry Hamlin drift in (but no Lady Gaga, who was supposed to be the halftime entertainment) and try to keep this from getting sacked too early in the game.
Because director Kyle Marvin doesn’t worry about building momentum, much of it comes off as a series of one-liners and sight gags. When he finally shows the women who actually did cheer on Brady, we have many questions. Particularly: Was their story really this dull?
Even at home – in your recliner and sweatpants – you discover the answer is probably yes.
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