Build respect and teach the teacher: five back-to-school tips for parents of children with disabilities | Holly Karten

Equal access to education has been a hard-won right. As a teacher and parent I understand that while laws might demand the inclusion of all children, achieving this is not always easy. To help relieve some anxiety, here are my five top tips for starting the school year off right.

1. Begin with empathy

Take a deep breath and remind yourself that you and your child’s teacher have the same goal. Teachers love kids and want them to succeed. They are often unappreciated and unsupported. Be kind and respectful. Without mutual respect, a collaborative relationship is not possible.

2. Be deliberate and thoughtful in your communication

Overwhelming someone will break down a relationship – a teacher will soon begin “managing you” instead of listening to you. Never send an email as soon as you write it. Once written, take a walk, then carefully edit your words through the lens of “how does this help the teacher to support my child?”

Enlisting the support of your child’s therapist can increase the authority of your email and provide the teacher with a new resource. Remember, you’ve had years to become an expert about your child. Their teacher has only just met them. Give them time to get familiar.

3. Remind them of the person behind the list of needs

The hopelessness and defeat we feel as parents when reading a deficit-focused report is felt by teachers, too. Where possible, send positive and solutions-focused communication. When appropriate, include photos of your child, their artworks or other personalising visuals.

4. Influence the classroom environment

The non-disabled community can get awkward about disability. As families immersed in disability culture, we should set the tone of how we want to stand out. Chat to your child about what they are comfortable sharing, what language they want to use, then jump into that class-parent WhatsApp group and introduce yourselves.

When we don’t talk about disability, people around us assume it is something to be ashamed of or avoided. Begin the year with, “If you have any questions about how you can adapt playdates/birthday parties etc to include us, this is our number. We can’t wait to hang out.” This sets a gentle expectation.

Encourage the parents in your child’s class to talk to their child about disability in inclusive, clear and affirming terms, not in a vague “everyone is different” way. By doing so you are training a room full of advocates within the classroom.

5. Recognise what is working and show appreciation

Thank your child’s teacher for the things they get right. Small, regular acts of kindness go a long way. Find out what coffee they drink and drop one off, help your child to make a card for them or bring them a bunch of flowers for their desk.

Your advocacy trains that teacher not just for your kid but for all the kids who arrive with a pile of reports in tow for years to come.