Embarrassed after a work faux pas? Stay calm and carry on

But I think most of us have a tendency to overthink and over-analyse our own stumbles, faux pas and mistakes. In part, that’s because of a phenomenon psychologists call the spotlight effect. The best way to explain it is to give an example:

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I once went to a comedy show and drastically underestimated my need to have a wee before I sat down. About 45 minutes in to what I knew was an hour-long performance I was experiencing discomfort of a rare variety. I should have just gone to the toilet, but it was a small show and I feared that the comedian would have been almost duty-bound to mention my departure and make fun of me and possibly watch as I wet my pants in front of him and the other audience members, including several friends.

Now that might have been an example of the spotlight effect itself (there’s a chance I was completely wrong and could have easily slipped away with nobody, including the comedian noticing). But I really noticed it once the show ended. I clapped perfunctorily, hobbled to the toilets and, when I returned, apologised to my friends for making such a fool of myself – for wriggling in my seat, breathing heavily, making noises of desperate suppression and then disappearing all of a sudden.

Not a single person had noticed my actions or my absence. What had been so all-encompassing to me that I assumed it must have spilled out was in fact a non-event to everyone else.

Your story isn’t as silly as mine. And friends are different to colleagues in all sorts of ways. But I still think the spotlight effect is pertinent in your case.

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Unless you can clearly see that your co-workers are upset about what happened, or you’re certain they’re treating you differently now, please don’t worry. Be confident that at the very worst they see what happened as a small miscalculation, a moment of minor awkwardness.

Perhaps this wouldn’t be true if it had taken place 50 or 60 years ago, but I would be astounded if anyone in your office, even the most cartoonish prude, felt this warranted your resignation.

Again, I don’t want to suggest I’m some kind of mind reader or soothsayer, but I don’t think it’s unreasonable to predict that as time passes it will be your love of the job, not your embarrassment, that will prove more enduring.

But you might want to be a bit more careful with your delivery instructions from now on.

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