Two minutes with Danny Katz: Do I give chase if I see a driver’s back hatch is open?

Q: While driving, I spotted a motorist passing in the opposite direction with his back hatch open. I watched the poor chap in my rear-view mirror, barely missing an overhanging tree branch. Should I have stopped, turned around and sped after him to tell him?
C.P., Hawthorn East, Vic

A: Spotting a car driving past with an open hatch is always amusing: it’s the vehicular equivalent of a person walking past with toilet paper hanging out the back of their pants (although toilet paper won’t take out an overhanging tree branch. Not unless there’s a sudden gust of wind and it’s that ultra-thick, four-ply stuff that you have to cut with shears. Then it might).

In both instances, you always think to yourself, “I really should tell them because I’m a thoughtful, altruistic person who does unto others as I’d have them do unto me,” but by then they’re usually too far away, so you just chuckle and mumble, “Sucker”.

And also, in the case of an open-hatched car spotting, you have to consider the hazards: first, you have to chuck a U-ey, possibly causing other cars to brake suddenly and a school bus to swerve off a cliff. Then you have to run red lights and break speed limits to catch up with the open-hatched car, possibly racking up traffic infringements, demerit points, and forcing more school buses off more cliffs.

Loading

And if you ever do manage to catch up, you have to drive alongside them on the wrong side of the road, beeping your horn and doing elaborate “your-hatch-is-open” French mime with both hands off the wheel, potentially causing you to careen into their side. Followed by a fiery explosion. You perish in the flames. But they survive … by crawling out of their open back hatch. So just ask yourself: is it worth it?

guru@goodweekend.com.au

To read more from Good Weekend magazine, visit our page at The Sydney Morning Herald, The Age and Brisbane Times.

The best of Good Weekend delivered to your inbox every Saturday morning. Sign up here.