New mommy Kishwer Merchant: You feel people are judging you if you can’t feed your baby

As a first-time mother, actor Kishwer Merchant Rai is always overwhelmed by every little move of her newborn, and admits that embracing motherhood has been a roller coaster ride, full of many ups and downs.

Kishwer welcomed her first child, a baby boy, with her husband Suyyash Rai on August 27. They have named their baby, Nirvair.

“It has been a roller coaster ride since the delivery. I have become a mom for the first time so it has been difficult, overwhelming, kabhi nice. Every time, when I see his face, I forget about all the things. But, yes, a lot of emotions are going on right now,” Kishwer tells us in an exclusive interview.

Ask her about the story behind picking the name, she admits that the name just came to her on a sleepless night. “I used to have sleepless nights when Suyyash had Covid as he used to be in another room. During one such night, while listening to Ek Onkar, I messaged him the name, and he loved it. Had it been a girl, we would have named her, Alizeh”.

At the moment, Kishwer is on a road to fast recovery after the C-section delivery, but the experience of going through the procedure has left a deep impact. She even shared a glimpse of her struggle on social media by writing about “pain killers, tiredness and anxiety”.

Opening up about it, the 40-year-old says, “It was something that I have never been through. A woman’s body goes through so much in these 9 months, and then comes a C-section with so many medicines, and drips”.

The actor continues, “You also have to feed the baby, and then there is no production of milk properly on the first three days. You get frustrated, on top of it, you have people around you who are like ‘nahi breastfeeding is very important, do this and that’.”

For her, it was very difficult to not get affected by it all, as she puts, “You feel people are judging you ke breast milk nahi de pa rahe ho. Bahut kuch hota hai”.

“After delivery, people say a woman can go into postpartum depression, and that’s why it is important for one to be happy and think about good things, but how? Because if you can’t do anything for your child, you can’t be happy. There were a lot of things that happened in those four days in the hospital. But eventually everything is fine now, I am back home, eating well and he is also fine. So it’s a great bonding time with him right now”.

Amid these happy emotions, there are some overwhelming moments, when she feels lost. And she is hoping to learn to cope up from it all soon.

“I get very overwhelmed with everything for little things. For instance, if I am cradling him and he is still crying, I get very emotional ke why is he crying mere pass aake bhi. I get (anxious) when I can’t control him. There are many things which I will learn as I explore motherhood,” she concludes.