Crypto is scary, but shacking up with 10 people is spine-chilling

This week, the fascinating areas of polyamory and bitcoin came together in glorious synchronicity. Ex-billionaire Sam Bankman-Fried, whose cryptocurrency empire FTX dramatically collapsed, turns out to be living in a polycule of 10 in a penthouse in the Bahamas.

If you don’t understand the word “polycule”, it is a fairly new term, referring to a group of people linked with each other by their polyamorous relationships.

If you don’t understand bitcoin, well, I wouldn’t worry. Apparently, Sam Bankman-Fried doesn’t either.

I am not a gambler. I don’t invest in crypto because it all feels too fraught, and I don’t do polyamory for pretty much the same reasons. The thought of sharing my partner is horrific, and the thought of living with other people is almost worse. I need space. I need silence. I need my own bathroom! Just talking to nine people at breakfast sounds exhausting.

Still, Bankman-Fried doesn’t just live in a regular share house; he lives in a polycule. The penthouse includes 10 people who are, or were, all romantically involved, and who all worked at FTX. It is one big household of exes and lovers and colleagues. It is Sister Wives meets Love Island meets The Office meets Pete Davidson meets a thriller by Michael Lewis. (Yes, Lewis is writing the book.)

Now, I have a lot of questions about life in a polycule. For a start, what are the chances of finding 10 people who all find each other attractive? Do they have extremely low standards, or are they all just super good looking?

Second, how did these people end up with several romantic partners? It took me eight years to find myself just one boyfriend; how did they find four, or five, or even nine? Apparently, many of them met at a trading firm Jane Street. What sort of Friday night drinks parties were they holding?

Some of the polycule members are ex-romantic partners, so how are they managing to live under the same roof? Once you break up with that person, you want them out of your life. How are they sharing a toilet, or splitting a tofu bowl? Honestly, if I had to live with my ex, I’d probably end up in jail. (So too may Sam Bankman-Fried, but for a very different reason.)